Its official.
I take up a new appointment come 2nd Apr. After 3 months of whispering, grape-vining and rumor-mongering, I received my marching orders 3 days ago.
But unlike some others who would love to take the opportunity to slack off in view of the imminent departure, it seems like I have a tonne of things to do. A couple of pending projects to get off the ground, doing a mini manpower re-org, making sure what I have implemented over the 2years have some semblance of sustainability and won't collapse when I go plus a big major exercise to helm on the eve of my
sayonara day.
Then there are the feelings of melancholy, regret and anxiety to contend with.
Melancholic because, shitty place or not, I will miss all my guys and gals. All 200 monkeys. Yes they have given me grief and irritated me no end sometimes but I can't honestly say 'goodbye and good riddance' to any single one of them. Careless, lacksidaisical and at times downright stupid yes but at the end of the day, no one was fundamentally evil. Maybe when its time to say goodbye, you always tend to remember the good things in people. Maybe.
Regret because, well, as I look back on 2006, I could have achieved so much more. Instead of getting myself entangled in personal issues that left me distracted and out of focus. My performance rating took a hefty tumble and the only reason I was not given a really bad grading was because the No. 1 Man took my past 'good deeds' into account. Thankfully in the last quarter of the year, the proverbial socks were pulled way up high and my new boss liked what he saw. The old me. But sigh, all this damage-control could have been avoided. Still living with some of the scars by the way.
Anxiety because I know alot will be expected of me in my new posting. The eyes will be watching to see if the faith my Big Boss has in me is well-judged or mis-placed. Then there is the question of whether you will be missed when you're gone. Nothing can be more ego-puncturing than to find out that everybody makes excuses from attending your farewell dinner =)) Not to say that they have but its a small fear nonetheless. Brings me back to a couple of years ago when I attended the farewell lunch of a very unpopular but work-wise, successful boss. No one liked him but he got the job done. Oh well. But at least a couple of really junior officers have approached me and said
Sir, lets have dinner before you go ok. And that makes me really guilty about calling them Plankton, in jest I swear, behind their backs =))
Well I supposed its time to walk the talk. I have always told my guys to expect and embrace change because ironically, change is the only constant.
Lets just hope its a change for the better...
Labels: Musings