Today, exactly 8 years ago, I joined my present organization. Not really that long ago, but not recently either.
My colleague S, whom I have known since I was a young officer, told me the other day, after a particularly gruelling meeting, that I have mellowed down so much. Since the days she used to be my boss in another department.
In terms of rank and designation, we are equals now. But for a short while when I first joined this new department, I was given a higher appointment and she had to report to me. Quite an awkward reunion of sorts back then.
S is not much older than me, and I remember the times when, as a brash and ambitious newbie, I used to give her so much grief. Questioning her decisions, proposing drastic changes, circumventing the 'proper channels' by going straight to the big boss and basically being so vocal and stubborn that she eventually let me have my way. There was precious little she could do at the time because at the end of the day, I had the results to show for it.
Now as career-level peers, we can look back and laugh at the good 'ole days. If you can call it good lah =))
But have I really mellowed? Is age catching up with me? Or am I just a little jaded with work nowadays. Distracted perhaps, with affairs of the heart.
K said over a coffee the other night, that I lack the drive I once possessed many moons ago. Always looking for the easy way out of a problem or bad situation instead of meeting it head-on, solving it once and for all like I used to. I said perhaps lately, I am like Water rather than Fire. You see when water encounters an obstacle, it flows around it and carries on its merry own way through the path of least resistance. But with fire, it burns the obstacle to a crisp before proceeding to burn the next thing in its way. Blazing a path right through.
When and why this gradual elemental change from Fire to Water I don't really know. Hell I'm starting to sound like some flummoxed Fengshui fool =))
During the recent Ranking Exercise for our officers, the acronym C.E.P was thrown about so much I found myself doodling the stylised letters C, E and P on my notepad for most of the meeting =)) For those not in the know, it stands for Current Estimated Potential. Your career ending point (also C.E.P haha!) as it were. The rank and grade you are envisaged to be at just before you finally retire. It follows that those with a higher C.E.P would be promoted faster. Logical rite? Where I come from, this C.E.P thingee is decided by management very early in your career. Screw up in the first 2 years, and forever be condemned to the doldrums of mediocrity.
But even if you are given a high C.E.P, you have to have done things or shown enough results to justify for it everytime the annual appraisals come around. It is during times like this when being Water-ish will do you no favours. The bosses are always looking out for the Fire in your eyes.
I have been told point-blank by the boss that I had better start justifying for my own C.E.P. Something I have never had to be told to do in the past 8 years.
And on this, my 8th Annivesary, its not something that would bring a sweet, sentimental smile to your face.
So...got a match-stick anyone?