Today I thought about the two emotions of jealousy and envy as I was driving home.
My best friend and colleague called, over dinner earlier, to give me the good news that he is going to be made Assistant Director at another department come December. We exchanged mental high-fives and I told him I was expecting my Sashimi and Wagyu Beef
bento-box lunch at the earliest opportunity. Technically at our level, it is a lateral move. But we all know that its more of a diagonal ascendency than a horizontal shuffle, a promotion in terms of appointment really.
I tried to sound happy. And I think I did. Deep down I really am, for him.
But it was an especially poignant piece of news for me because just yesterday, I received word from the boss-man that my own posting has been deferred for another 6-12 months. I still need to be "assessed" for a higher calling it seems.
The coincidence is a little cruel to say the least. But what to do.
You know there is a difference between jealousy and envy. Envy occurs when a person lacks another person's superior quality, achievement, or possession, and desires it, or wishes that the other person lacked it. Jealousy, by contrast, occurs in the context of a close relationship when a person fears losing a Significant Other to a rival. In particular, losing a relationship that is important to one's sense of self.
So in a romantic situation, when one partner gives attention to a more attractive 3rd Party, feelings of jealously and envy can occur together and make a person do really stupid things.
But I digress =))
Anyway after parking the car and having pondered during the seemingly long drive home, I concluded that it was certainly not jealousy I was experiencing.
Perhaps more of sadness and regret at not having exercised my full potential in the past year or so. Tinged, of course, by a significant dose of envy.