So the Mrs and me were over at David and Sharon's place on Saturday evening. Hubby and Wifey, both lawyers and Indian Catholics, had us and some mutual friends over for Deepavali dinner. We figured they just needed a reason to booze and blab, we were right.
Sharon's a great cook and after a stomach-stretching degaustation of Masala, Mysore, Tandoori and Tikka, husbands and wives somehow split up for some wine and girl-talk. Boys at the open verandah with their Sauvignon Blancs and Pinot Noirs, Girls in the kitchen with their Tequilas and..errr..tongues :))
And little did the girls know that we could hear them bitching about us from the sink as they did the dishes. So with wine glasses/cigars in hand and trying our darnest not to giggle like pre-pubescent schoolgirls, the four of us listened intently to what the wives had to say about their 30-something husbands...
a. Guys have an uncanny knack of farting in enclosed spaces. Under the sheets, in the car, taking the elevator. You name it, they've farted in it. And it smells worst than a decomposing hamster carcass left to rot in the storeroom for 6 days. (We say, Bollocks! As if the girls' gases smell any better. And men of ALL ages fart ok.)
b. Suddenly, preening and pouting infront of the gym mirror has become de rigueur. Do the guys do this in the hope of getting more sex and muscles or is there some fairer sex at the office they hope to get? (We say, vain cannot ah? And we need strong arms to help the SYT secretary carry heavy files you know).
c. Guys DO NOT listen. And worst, they love to walk around the house while talking to you such that their voices trail in and out of the conversation as they enter the kitchen, bathroom, study, toilet, storeroom, shoe cabinet..etc...So irritating!(We say, who ask you to be such a nag?)
d. The lolita-complex is slowly emerging. More than once, they have waxed-lyrical over younglings Hermoine Granger and Fleur Delacour from Harry and his Potter:)) (We say, No Comment! Wait get arrested)
e. Sometimes, the guys are better off married to their laptops since they spend more time clicking and typing than kissing and holding hands. (We say, how you know we never hold hands online?)
f. What's this blardy obsession with Lin Zhiling? For chrissake she has fake boobies! (We say, you have her face and body then come and talk ok?)
g. Guys are all secretly afraid of their Mummies. (We say, oooo MILFS! Bring them on!)
h. Birthday presents are getting more and more pathetic. (We say, not as if you girls would pay for us to go catch the Pussy Cat Dolls in Vegas)
They were about to discuss sex until someone whispered that she thought they were yakking too loudly...DAMMIT! :))